Tuesday, August 31, 2004

kenapa

kenapa

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

ramai yang tanya kenapa nak dan dah tutup blog? sebenarnya mmg dah lama rasa nak tutup dan kuburkan begitu sahaja.. tambah2 sekolah dah start balik dan sgt sibuk, sbb tu sapa-sapa yang perasan ada la dlm lebih sebulan or dua tidak mengupdate blog. tp kerana satu peristiwa, sort of mcm dah tekad mmg nak tutup blog.. apa yang jadi sebenarnya..

mcm ni, bagi sapa-sapa yang ingat, kan ada komen by seseorang(baca dlm bahasa inggeris), cakap pasal apa yg patut dan tak patut saya tulis dlm blog ini. pertama kali baca mmg rasa nak terajang je orang tu, 'alah blog aku lantak aku lah', kedua kali baca, baca dengan hati, dan hati-hati. Dan saya pun teka-teka lah, agak-agak siapa yang punya angkara. Daripada cara dia tulis, ayat dia, dan juga content komen tersebut, saya buat telahan yang itu adalah ditulis oleh rakan-rakan sekelas saya.

Jadi, seminggu keretakan hubungan berlaku. Masuk kelas mmg tak pandang muka tau. Even tanya kabar, jawab pun tak pandang kita. Ha.. kan ke padan muka. Saya cuba menjaga hubungan baik (baik btol2 ni) dengan semua orang. tak kiralah orang melayu ke orang putih. Kawan-kawan sekolah saya mcm kawan-kawan melayu saya jugak. Kadang-kadang, di dalam perkara-perkara tertentu, mereka lebih arif tentang saya dari kebanyakkan kawan-kawan melayu saya.

Apa saya rasa

Saya rasa sangat down bila telahan saya tu seakan-akan betul. Kenapa? Tiga tahun saya kawan dengan derang. Saya bukan kawan sebab main-main. Saya ni jenis blur sket. Jenis yang suka buat tak kesah hal sekeliling. Jenis yang sangat merdeka sehingga boleh 'hidup' sorang-sorang je(betul ke?). Tapi saya yang jenis ni selalu saya lawan. Saya tak suka saya yg jenis ni.

Kalau ikut 'hati' saya, saya tak pedulikan sesapa pun dalam dunia ni. Ikut hati la, tapi saya yang pesen ni saya tak berapa gemar sgt. Jadi, saya sentiasa lawan saya yang begini. Termasuklah kepada kawan-kawan saya kat sekolah. Dijadikan cerita, saya kenal derang start dengan pendapat derang sangat rendah terhadap saya.

Saya berusaha untuk menjadikan perkawanan kitorang kamceng la. Kitorang satu sekolah mmg kamceng, bukan sesama kengkawan je, tapi sesama pensyarah juga. Ye la, korang bayangkan. Kan ke ada teori ke apa tah yang kata, kalau kita nak taaruf dengan sorang2 tu, kita kene makan, tido, dan musafir dengan dia. Baru kita kenal orang tu mcm mana.

So, saya kat sekolah macam tu lah. Saya dah pernah tidur (lelaki tak tidur sekemah dan sebilik), makan, dan musafir (walaupun derang tak panggil menda ni musafir, tapi dugaan berjalan kitorang lebih menduga fizikally dan mentally dari jaulah, dan road trip yang kita duk buat selalu). Walaupun niat semua orang bukan kerana ukhuwah, tapi, sebab fitrah alam tu kan tetap sama. Jadi, derang kenal saya kadang-kadang lebih dari kawan2 melayu saya.

Tapi saya jenis diatas (blur, tak suka amik kesah, dan tak fikir feeling orang), buat tak kesah akan feeling kawan-kawan saya yang saya ada la jugak try nak kasik derang 'faham dan rasa apa yang saya rasa jadi seperti saya', sehingga saya terlupa apa rasanya dikondem budaya, dan cara hidup kita.

Itulah apa yang saya dah buat, saya kutuk, dan kutuk cara hidup dan budaya derang. Mungkin ramai yang rasa, mmg budaya derang tak bagus pun. Tapi letakkan tempat korang dalam situasi kawan, dan korang tengok kawan korang tu kutuk korang depan kawan korang yang lain. Takke sakit hati.

Benarlah ghibah itu bisa meruntuhkan ukhuwah. Tak semestinya dia tidak sama din dengan kita, budaya hidup kita lain-lain, ghibah itu dibenarkan.

Jadi kesimpulannya, semua adalah salah saya. Saya yang konon-kononnya ditarbiyah ini, tapi tak berjaya digest menda yang paling penting dalam hidup. Saya buat orang mcm mesin, yang saya boleh switch it on bila saya suka dan campak bila saya rasa tak perlu. Terukkan saya.

Memandangkan tentang keterukkan ini, saya naik muak, meluat, dan benci dengan diri saya. Termasuk blog ini kerana ia termasuk dalam kehidupan saya. Saya cuba untuk membersihkan kehidupan saya yang kotor dan jijik ini. Dan itu lah apa yg saya sdg cuba buat. Tegur-tegurlah saya, sedar-sedarkan lah saya selalu.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

telah ditamatkan perkhidmatannya.. sekian harap maklum

Sunday, August 22, 2004

total regrets

SHAME ON ME

Kima,
You should really be more considerate of people's feelings before you post lies and misconceptions on a public place like this.
You have no right to post pictures and harsh comments about your supposed friends, without their knowledge.
You are a very mean and deceitful person, and I know there are many people who have a very low opinion of you after what you've done.

It's not fair to hold a low opinion of someone because of their culture; and that is exactly what you do, even though everyone has been more than accommodating to you.

Try being nice to people, it might be a nice change for you


Bismillah hirrahmanirrahim... in the name of Allah the most gracious the most merciful... may everybody in the best health and imaan.. and Allah grant peace and hidayah to everybody...

First and foremost, I want to address my greatest regret to 'someone', my deepest appologise to 'someone', and a million thank you to 'someone' for pointing this thing out to me. Therefore, I want to make things clear here, and clarify everything that has been address to me.

Firstly, yes, it is totally my fault for not taking into consideration about people's feeling, after they have been more accommodating to me. It is so ashamed on me for posting harsh comments on them, after they have been so welcoming, helpful, accommodating, understanding and accepting me for what I am. Therefore, please do forgive me.

Secondly, it is not just unfair for these people, that receive low opinion by me (after they have been so accommodating, and understanding), it is also unfair to the public to receive wrong informations (i.e lies and misconceptions - said by 'someone')

Therefore, can 'someone' please point out, and make a clarification on what have I said, that are lies and misconceptions. Everybody is different, and I make comments based on my opinion, my lack of knowledge, and my misunderstanding on people's culture. I think it is wise for the public to know what are the lies and misconceptions that have I done, and I appologise to the public for the wrong informations that I've given to them.

I also want to address my greatest thank you to 'someone' for point this thing out to me. Yes, I should be more sensitive with other people's culture, be more considerate on other people's feelings. If people can accept me for what I am, and be more than accommodating to me, why did I've been so mean to these people, since they help me a lot. Yes, I should be nice to people. Thank you someone for watching me and point out my weaknesses. If you want to find a real friend, find like someone because he/she, gives constructive opinion, and these will make you be a better person.

After I read my previous posts, I've deleted a few posts that I think that are lies and misconceptions. The posts that contained pictures and harsh comments. This is in order for not letting the wrong informations to spread out around the world. However it would be great for 'someone' if she/he could point out exactly the lies and misconceptions that Ive posted, so I can correct it to the public.

Again, thank you very much to someone. And please forgive me. I hope I can do something to make the situation better and rebuild our friendship. I should be more nice, acceptable, accommodating, considerate on people's feeling. Thank you very much.

Monday, August 16, 2004

raqaiq


Raqaiq - Mengukur Komitment Muslim

Raqaiq - Buta Cinta


Alhamdulillah cik nur dah belajar cam mana nak upload file.. ni raqaiq, edisi august dan buta cinta.. click on the above topic.. jaga diri hiasi peribadi