Australia... balik kampung

OK bnyk sgt nk cerita, tapi at the moment, am so happy to know that I'll be going to Australia again!!!! alhamdulillah thank you Allah for the news.. Perth.. a place that I've never been to... surely its not gonna be as good as brisbane 2 to 3 years ago... nevertheless, the feeling is much better than 7 years ago...

A phone call that cheered me up

Semalam masa tgh pening and mengantuk2 di office.. that Timor Leste guy called...

Him: I have something to tell you. Do you want to hear the good or the bad one first?
Me: Either is fine for me
Him: Pn. said, kau... x boleh...
Me: It's all right... so sapa yang pergi?
Him: ... x boleh kalau x pegi...
Me: Does it mean that I'm going??
Him: Yah from what I understand.
Me: Dude.. you're not kidding me right?
Him: Well, wait for the email if you dont believe me.

Thank you so much mate for the news. I owe you big thing man.. it really really does meant a lot to me...and yup its gonna be a great one.

Is it?

Being really stressed out lately. Did I tell you that I'm getting married??? Yah, in less than a month time, I'll be changing status from a Cik to a Puan... I dont know what should I feel. It took me more than 3 weeks to register. Each day, I've been crying either because it is so hard, or because I miss my parents so much, or because Huda makes me cry again. A few friends asked, how do I feel. I feel like there's a big, huge gigantic rock that I'll be carrying on my shoulder. I lost my concentration, I always feel restless. I lost my patience. Scolded people around me very easily. And all those mix feelings.

Am I being too paranoid about all these things? A few people have commented: you talk like you're having a mid life crisis... others said: it seems like you've been married for 17 years. I don't know. I'm afraid of so many things...
- I'm afraid of losing my pace in daawa
- I'm afraid of losing what I have

- I'm afraid of losing my say and my way

- I'm afraid that I cannot cope with the brand new responsibility

- I'm afraid of being a bad wife

- I'm afraid I'll gaduh with my future mother in law

- I'm afraid that I might not be taat

- I'm afraid of changes???

- I will miss my parents more and more

Since 12, I left home and never stay more than 2 months. Bila dh start kerja, work has taken a lot from me. Tanggungjawab kita lebih banyak dari masa yang kita ada. The result is, my parents have to sacrifise their feelings. Mak and ayah, if both of you know what I'm doing, and redha to let me go, insyaAllah you'll be awarded equally or maybe more than me. I love both of you so much, and please know that, eventhough I am always not around, eventhough I hardly come home, I really miss you... a lot.. like the whole world. And the fact that you guys had being so patience and redha to let me go, I thank both of you so much for that. You've done a great deal to make me, me, and know these deen. I hope both of you understand, that I really really loves you...

To stay positive is a great mujahadah. To remain istiqamah is a huge mujahadah. To stay conciously doing and getting through all these for the sake of Allah is tremendous effort. It needs a loottt of patience and patience and patience and of course Allah's help. And surely, with Allah's help, everything will be fine. Sakinah, mawadah wa rahmah juga akan turun. Cik kimah... hanya penolong2 Allah sahaja yg tidak akan merasa takut dan sedih. Don't you want to be His assistance?

The trip

Hopefully, it'll bring a new me, to enter a new life, to be a new person, better and better each day... to my parents, siblings, sisters, mates, and my future husband, and in laws.

Take care, and be good as always..